Nothing to Crow About

Who Let The Dogs Out??
Who?? Who?? who?? Whoo?? Whoo??

Here’s wishing you fella bloggers, lurkers, friends, foes, wankers, pussies & pricks a Happy & Prosperous Lunar New Year!

Gong Hei Fatt Choy!! May the year of the Dog brings you Health, Wealth and Stealth.

Health: This is important for generating wealth. If you are constantly a ‘peng mau’ (sick cat) how to earn money, right? Moreover, falling sick these days are a blardy expensive affair and the doctors will find every little opportunity to hospitalize you for ‘observation’ and probably ward you again for heart attack after having shown you the bill for the initial ‘observation’.

Wealth: In my opinion, this is extremely important. If you got health but no wealth, WTF? With crude oil hitting US70 a barrel and the spiral effect on the economy, pray hard for wealth, because Wealth IS Health!

Stealth: That’s right! If you are one of those who under declare your income in that blardy Borang BE from LHDN, and stashed away heaps in your offshore Swiss bank, Gibraltar, Bahamas or Cayman island accounts, you better pray for stealth!

Here’s to a bountiful year ahead! Cheers!

I kena tagged by Lilian and yvy yesterday. I think auntie Lilian must've fell in love with my Choy Sun voice in the sing-a-long project. YVY , you guy, gurl or gay ah? I scared leh..if you too fall for my voice. LOL
Anyway, here's my meme....ok lah this one not too tough.

4 Jobs I’ve had in my life
1. Bartender (during semester break)
2. Duck (but got no business wor)
3. Pimp (I ended up being customer numero uno)
4. Ringmaster –current position with bunch of clowns

4 movies I could watch over and over.
1. Puteri Gunung Ledang
2. Swedish Erotica
3. Any nude scenes by Yip Chee Mei
4. Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah
Movies I watch over and over? Aww…c’mon? I do have some collector’s classics. Even then I don’t watch them over and over again….so don’t believe what I wrote on point 1-4. *grin*

4 TV shows I like to watch:
1. Amazing Race
2. Whose Line Is It Anyway? (Yep, love the Irish drinking songs, hoe downs etc)
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Foreign movies on Arts Central

4 Places I’ve lived…..
1. Swimming in my father’s balls
2. Nine months in my mother’s egg
3. Pemadam Rehabilitation center
4. Kamunting maximum security penitentiary
Ok, ok I was pulling a fast one on point 3 and 4. Did I scare the wits out of you? *evil grin*

4 Places I’ve been on Vacation to
1. Western Europe
2. Australia- Gold Coast
3. Middle east- Dubai, Egypt, Lebanon & Yemen (I still wondered what the eff was I thinking about when I went to Yemen)
4. Far east- Japan, HK

4 Places I would rather be in
1. The moon
2. Holidaying in some non commercialized Eastern European countries.
3. In my favorite restaurant indulging in my favorite food
4. In bed making love

4 of my favourite foods
1. Hakka ‘Lui Cha’
2. Vietnamese cuisine (try Sao Nam at Tong Shin road)
3. Pasta- (Ooo… I go totally weak for these)
4. Bak Kut Tay- Klang’s version

4 websites I visit daily
1. My bloggers list already 25
2. Channel News Asia
3. Yahoo mail
4.

4 unfortunate souls tagged
1. Ah Pek (I'm sure he can write another poem on this meme)
2. Samm (since she just got back on line, I guess she'll be too happy to do it, yeah)
3. Rojakz (I love his shit, this guy)
4. Seng Kor (you better not ignore this, otherwise uncle cocka don't give you ang pow)

After seeing the gherkin (with warts) at 5xmom's site, and yvy's joke on VD, I remember this song that I used to sing during beer frenzies after a hash run. It's amazing how I can still recall the lyrics.

It's Herpes
sung to the tune of She Loves Me, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! -by The Beatles

I think I got a dose
and it's not the dripping kind
It's the kind that hurts the most
it can make you farking blind

Chorus:
I think it's herpes
and you know that can be bad...
Yeah it's herpes
it can make you farking mad.. ...Ooooo....
It herpes -yeah, yeah yeah
I hate it -yeah, yeah , yeah
With a dose like that, it's very very sad...


I think I got a dose
and I got it yesterday
I came so very close
to giving it to the maid
(Chorus)

I know there's something wrong
cause there are blisters on my knob
and the skin is peeling off my dong
erection makes it throb
(Chorus)

I am going to see a quack
Coz I cannot stand the pain..
I shoved it up her crack
but I won't do that again..

(Chorus)

When the doctor took his knife
I went deeply into shock!
What will I tell me wife
that's he's gonna cut it off

(chorus)

My assistant manager went to Thailand for his 4x4 adventure recently, and see what this prick brought back for me. Fried insects and bugs!! WTF? I treat my staff so bad meh?
On my return from the recent holidays, I bought them candies and chocolate nougats.
Anyway, just to show the 'good-sport' side of me, I ate the grasshopper and the worms.

That big bug on the left looks damn bloody scary. I thought about how my teeth would sink into its abdomen...and its entrails would squish out filling my mouth! Eeekkkk!!!!!!
Have'nt got the guts to try it yet, but actually the grasshopper is not bad wor.
So, I got 1 more snack to add to the 5 favorite snacks list on my meme.

Christmas eve at Ladies Market......

The street was narrow and really crowded.
Here's an intersection of the main road and the street.












It was somewhere around this stall, I thought there was a garbage truck in the vicinity. I was dead wrong! It was the pungent smell of 'chau tau foo.' The smell was so nauseating that it temporary paralysed my nerve system, rendering me unable to snap pictures.
Bro in law said he tried it once and his breath stank for 2 days! I'll pass on this.
A whiff of that smell still lingered on my sweater after I got back to the hotel.



Then there was at this indian prata stall that the owner hollered out to me ...."Eh Chi Kay Yaan! Chi Kay Yaan!" (fellow countryman) pointing to my moustache and his.
I soon realized that there was hardly any Hongkies sporting moustaches and he was happy to see one.
I played along and answered, "Achaar hey! Baiyee!"





The tempting roasts












Handbags galore......King's wife will surely buy the whole shop wan....















Kowloon.....this row of shops sells branded stuff. These guys won't make my money coz I cheap-plug wan... I go shop at Ladies Market and haggle like mad.









Hong Kong Disneyland ....the whole place was swarmed by PRC visitors that day. What a sight to behold- They were speaking loudly, spitting, blowing their noses (without a hankie or tissue) and queue cutting.
"Thar mah therd......"

Fantasyland by night.....it was about this time that my camera batteries went flat. Hence, I could not snap pictures of the fireworks display.

Diu.........

Lan Kwai Fong.......this place brings back a lot of fond memories, for it was always a 'must' to stop by for a few pints after the games.

The other favorite pub and grill joint that I did not get to visit this time was Joe Bananas at Wan Chai.

Overall, the trip wasn't too bad. The Hongkies were not as rude as before the '97 crisis. I heard someone said they working hard to win back the tourist market.

We headed back to Macao for another night before catching the flight home. Bro in law made HK40,000 at the gaming tables this trip and treated us to abalone lunch. Me? fark lah I have no asre luck wan....

Bro in law: "Psst! You know ah, last night at about 4 am as I was heading back to the hotel from the casino, there must be at least 50 chinese prostitutes on the streets. They were trying to get me to 'pong chan' pulling on my sleeve, tugging at my jacket wanting to follow me back. "

Me: "eh, you didn't try to find out the market rate meh? How much they charge for short time, or overnite?"

Bro in law: "No lah! I already scared shitless that they'll pick my pocket, I faster-faster walk. But these girls are damn farking persistent.....and also quite good-looking wan leh!"

Me: "Shhhh! Don't tell our wives. Next time we come back"

I kena tagged by King’s wife. Why me? Why me? I asked myself. I’m new to this wor…and already kena one long-long one. Really Moe Leong Sum wan this King’s wife. Got questions asking me what I did 10 years ago? Who can remember what happened 10 years ago? But since she is such a nice person and drops by my blog hor…ok lor I will be a sport lah.

The rules are:Remove the blog in the no.1 spot from the following list and push everyone up one place. Then add your own blog to the bottom spot. (Frankly, I rather be removing panties than blogs)

1. Between Lambs and Mutton
2. The Life of an Independent Babe
3. My All
4. Simply Hantam
5. Cocka-Doodle

And then, victimize another 5 people with the following questions:

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
2. What were you doing 1 year ago?
3. 5 snacks you enjoy
4. 5 songs to which you know all the lyrics
5. 5 things you would do if you were a millionaire
6. 5 bad habits
7. 5 things you like doing
8. 5 things you would never wear, buy or get new again
9. 5 favourite toys


So here goes.....
1. What the eff was I doing 10 years ago....
I was having the time of my life but I can’t remember much. Most of the time not sober enough to recall.

2. What the eff was I doing 1 year ago.?
My childhood sweetheart tracked me down and asked me out for dinner at a japanese restaurant in Sheraton Subang.
Over there quiet mah…..so ‘chau see’ also no one will notice lor.

Me: So, did you ever thought about us all these 25 years?
She: Quite a lot…I remember those night strolls by the beach at marine parade, the flowers you gave me. Ah…it was so romantic.

Me: then how come you didn’t marry me?
She: You farker didn’t try hard enough some more want to blame me ah?
Me: You didn’t send me the right signals wat…
She: What? Must flash neon signs all over is it?....damn cock lah you!

After a few rounds of sake, we proceeded to the lobby for some wine.
As I was sending her home, I told her I felt like kissing her passionately for old time’s sake.
Although the fire has died down so long ago, the amber still glows.

She: Then what are you waiting for, you idiot!!!
*censored*


3. five snacks
1.peanuts
2. chestnuts (the fruit lah….)
3. pineapple tarts (ooohh!! I love this…CNY sure got a lot)
4. McVite biscuits
5. Weetbix with milk

4. five songs I love to sing
1)Walkin’ round in women’s underwear (sung to the tune Walkin’ in the winter wonderland)
2. Wanker’s delight
3. Me No Like The Blitish Soljeer (Sung to the hymm: “What a friend we find in Jesus”. The yehsoe group sure flame my arse for this)
4. The Mexican Whore
5. The engineer’s song

5. five things I wanna do if I am a millionaire
1. fly to Tuscany and ask Borcelli to sing for me
2. buy all kinds of dildos for King’s Wife so she would be too busy to tag me
3. Buy the batteries for the dildoes I gave to king’s wife
4. Buy a trailer and install 10,000megawatts speakers and blast techno music while driving up along those Ah Bengs souped up cars with neon lights flashing from under carriage, jinjang looking spoilers etc
5. team up with Uncle Lim to expand his casino business

6. five bad habits
1.cannot tolerate rude drivers. I need to stay calm. If I can’t beat them, I’ll join them lol
2. Do things on the 11th hour
3. Too lazy to update blog
4. Still blasting Guns and Roses & Bon Jovi’s old hits occasionally…much to the agony of my neighbors
5. Don’t sleep enough.

7. five things I like doing
1. trying out all the Kamasutra position
2. making love in the shower
3. making love on a train
4. eating (food la.....ok lah pussies also)
5. ear squats....I am perfecting the art of squating already. strong knees are a must

8. five things I would never wear, buy.....
1. Branded clothing….coz they are all made in China anyway these days, so why spend a bomb?
2. Crystal braclet that are so ‘in’ these days. Hey what happened to those ‘goodluck’ fish with big forehead that everyone wanted one not so long ago?
3. underwear…I feel more sexy wearing boxers.
4. nipple ring (ouch!)
5. penis ring (OUCHHHH!!!)

9. 5 toys
1.my mobile phone
2. my laptop (dancer)
3. my childhood sweetheart….this one counts or not?
4. my whips & chains and leather straps
5. my handcuffs

Ok lah….I am not sending it to anyone because being a new blogger I don’t know many fellow bloggers yet. Afterwards kena eff by them lagi teruk.
Next time just tag 3 names ok lah….leave some for others to tag mah….

Its must have been some 13 years now since I last set foot on Hong Kong soil. I recall vividly the days where my club mates and I would fervently perform our annual pilgrimage to the Hong Kong Sevens tourney for 3 solid days of great rugby, booze, partying, booze, and errr.....booze. Having a CX girlfriend back then was another plus coz I get to fly at discounted rates. Apart from that, my opinion of Hongkies are they’re an effing bunch of rude people.

MOHA (Minister of Home Affairs a.k.a the wife) initiated this trip to Macao after having graduated and got ‘sian’ with Genting. Jasmine, my daughter who is still on her semester break wishes to visit Disneyland. So I got on the web and scouted around for some budget fares. After all, you only want to get from 1 point to the other in three and a half hours, right? So, forget the sweet smiling stewardess, nice seats with your personal TV screen and airline food. I am going budget and save the money for something else….like trying my luck at the jackpot machines. We settled for Tiger Airways that flies from Changi to Macao for SGD 75 only. Airport tax is another 50 bucks.

Air Asia? ….naw, the toilet stinks and their schedule is not appealing. Besides, each time they advertise for cheap fares try going to their website and you’ll find a much higher fare. Perhaps, our neighbor has stringent laws about false advertising, and that’s why you don’t find Valuair, Jetstar and Tiger pulling a fast one.

So first stop…..Macao

casinos.........casinos

...............................more casinos........

There must be at least 30 plus of them!

Then it was souvenir hunting for Ah Pek.......














.......and for the silais........




















Establishing a piao mei contact for Linpeh........

Here's a balls shrinking experience. Standing at 338m, Macao Sky Tower has a section of glass floor. Really make your balls shrink up to your throat lah....

Stayed for a couple of nights before taking the ferry to Hong Kong.

To be cont'd...........