Sunday, April 30, 2006

 

The Gluttons' Meet


I had the pleasure of meeting Flyboy two Wednesdays ago. He came over to JB to gawk at the Malaysian belles, rallied and protested against the elevated bridge project, gawk at the Malaysian belles, had a sumptuous lunch with me and gawk at the Malaysian belles some more. Can you blame him for that after being cooped up in a surrounding with Large Horny Goats, sexy Elks and Grizzly bears? No, I guess not. Anything in a skirt and Scotsmen in kilts would have triggered his excitement!

We went Thai for I guessed he must’ve missed the food from this region tremendously judging from his previous post and the vast amount he ordered. I did not disappoint him either for I ordered enough to feed a battalion!
He spoke of the peaceful yet boring life in the Canadian Rockies, the severe cold ..the winter mornings where one could hardly find one’s shrunken pee-pee to wee wee, the tons of clothing one needs to wear just to take out the thrash. He shared pictures of some of the most beautiful natural surroundings I’ve seen and yes, Flyboy, I still don’t mind working there for a couple years.

Lunch was good, but the company was even better. Thanks for the opportunity to meet and I certainly look forward to the next one at your turf, perhaps.


2 days ago….

Attended another bloggers’ makan meet in KL. King’s wife organized this and I suggested the place. Wrong choice of place because there were renovations going on and it was rather hot that evening. On hindsight, perhaps we should have gone to the USJ-Taipan outlet instead. The quality of food was not up to their regular standards as well but this was compensated by the great company of those attended.


Ah May, Seng Chai, Humsap Linpeh, and King’s wife were the regulars while Kiki & Jomel are meeting some of us for the first time.

Kiki….a young, suave and hansem toyboy doctor practising in Leeds-istan, UK (United Kerala) was amongst the first to arrive with Linpeh.

Cocka: “Hi! I’m Cocka”
Kiki: “and I’m Kising”

Cocka: “Sorry, but who are you kissing? Huh? Wait, am I interrupting anything here?”
**turning to look at Linpeh with raise eyebrows as he was the only one with doc at that point of time**

Kiki: “No, my name is Kising”
Cocka: “Oh! For a moment there!”
**Hmmm…I wonder if his dad named any of his siblings Pising??**

Later that evening, doc has some interesting tales from afar.

Cocka: “So, have you performed any major surgeries?”
Kiki: “Yes, yes, I’ve done several circumcisions”

Cocka: “What was your most bizarre encounter in your profession?”
Kiki: “I was conducting a prostate test on Linpeh when a flock of bats rushed out of his arse! I have to hack my way thru’ the vines and twines ala’ Indiana Jones. There were echos also”

Psst!! Doc also has this kinky fetish of putting housemate 's underwear in the freezer and thawing them later. He also does the Full Monty citing reasons that he makes more money stripping than being a doc.

****
Jomel….ahh.. she is so sweet like her blog picture! She finally got to meet the moustachio guy from JB. The Burt Reynolds resemblance as Lil’ Patchee sees it…….or the Saddam Hussein look-alike as the not-so-kind Ipoh mali mya silai puts it. :(

****
Latest on Seng chai
Rumors have it that he is King’s wife’s long lost son.

Ah May said he behaved himself very well during their recent movie date. Actually, to tell you the truth, Seng Chai fell asleep in the cinema. His snoring was rather annoying to the audiences around him.

***
Latest on King’s wife
Shares similar DNA traits with Seng Chai!

This time, I sat across her so that I won’t hurt my neck turning to the side to steal glances at this hot mama like the previous meet.

***
Latest on Ah May
We have wrongly guessed her age all this while. How embarrassing! This lady is more than 4 decades! ….ok, ok I’m just kidding.

She looked like she has put on a few pounds since we last met. That explains why the tires threading on the driver's side of her car tend to wear off prematurely. Must have been after all that weekend synchronized baking with Ah Wong.

***
Latest on Lin Peh
Still the same…..obnoxious, loud, full of shit and full of profanities self. LOL

We also learned that by law, he is entitled to park at handicapped zones.
His looks alone (in his driver license photo) were good enough for the Road Transport Department to accord him such privileges.

***
On Saturday morning I sent a text message to Seng chai..

Cocka: “Why didn’t you take the free X-Men tickets and ask Ah May out to the movies.”

Seng Chai replied: “Next time pass it to me discreetly can anot? Every time take her to free movies makes me look damn cheapskate lah.”

Cocka: “Then take Titoki lah”

Seng chai: “No, I want to take both. Muahahahahaha!!!”

Cocka: “Tiu! You damn greedy!”


That’s the update for this meet. I’m looking forward to meet more new faces next time


Thursday, April 27, 2006

 

Mememememememememe!!!!

Wuching eat full nothing to do…..tagged me on this meme.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
First I thought I read "grab the boob nearest to you..." For a moment i felt damn shiok!. How anti-climax.....diu!

page 18 is the centerfold…..no line 4. Just mmmmm….nice…drooling pictures of voluptuous ….gorgeous…sexy babes. Be back to this meme once I finish reading this mag.

**one hour later**

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
She might think I’m trying to grab her boob again.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A much awaited flat screen TV. See, I could not afford one of those wall-mounted new flat screen plasma. So I just be a little imaginative and creative and make do with what I have.
The tools for this conversion are courtesy of Ah Pek’s hardware shop.

Ignore the outside. From inside the living room, my wall-mounted flatscreen TV looks damn good.


4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
4.30 pm 55 sec?.

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
Aiyah! Missed by 5 secs

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

the waves rushing to the shore and breaking gently….. the barman preparing cocktails with his shaker......seagulls squeaking.........
Wake up! Wake up! Cocka

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
When I was throwing out an insurance salesman trying to sell me policies and unit trusts I don’t need. Hmmm…they are getting very creative these days.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My secretary’s cleavage. Everyday also I look. She damn hiao-hiao wan.

9. What are you wearing?
Before or after I looked at my secretary??

10. Did you dream last night?
only wet ones.

11. When did you last laugh?
Before I filed in my income tax returns.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Lizard shit….artistically stuck on to the wall like some kind of abstract art.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
’Abstract art’ from the wall falling into my coffee cup.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Was this developed by MENSA?? Damn blardy brain taxing.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Swedish Erotica.
Pssst!!!! Ah Pek! Want to swap with me the Swedish Delight that you bought?

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
First thing, I buy all the different languages newspaper to check on the lottery results and see if there’s a misprint. Not satisfied, I’ll log on to the lottery’s website to check again.
Still not satisfied, I’ll go for an eye check.

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
First, I dunno what is it that you dunno about me. So, in order for me to tell you something that you dunno about me, I have to know what is it that you dunno about me, so that I can tell you what you dunno about me.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
One thing only ah? Where got enough?
I would legalized drugs, polygamy, prostitution, …..well I’ll start with legalizing holding hands and kissing in the park first.

19. Do you like to dance?
only the lambada with Jennifer Lopez

20. George Bush.
His wife got a bushier bush

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
When I had my daughter, I was enjoying a nice cup of Jasmine tea. So I named her Jasmine. Isn’t she glad that I wasn’t drinking teh tarik, Bloody Mary or Tequila Pop at that time.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
There are 1.2 billion chinamen not including those born outside china. You want so many children for what??

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
No, I miss bolehland too much…dim sum, assam laksa, char koay teow, nasi lemak, nasi beriyani, fish head curry.

24. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
”COCKA HAS ARRIVED!!!! CODE RED , REPEAT CODE RED!!!
ALL ANGELS PROCEED TO BATTLE STATION!!!
ELECTRIFY THE GATES!!!
RAISE THE DRAWBRIDGE!!!
DON’T LET HIM TAKE OVER MY THRONE!!!”

25. Five (5) people who must also do this meme in their journal.

Whoever wants to do go ahead lah.


Saturday, April 22, 2006

 

My Weird Dream

I had a dream last night….
It went like this.


Gatekeeper: “Halt! Who goes there?”

Me: “It’s me, Cocka Doodle”

Gatekeeper: “Hmmm…..let me check the registry. C…..C……”
**Wet finger with saliva……..Flip flip pages….**

“Nay, your name is not here. Try checking with Lucifer.”

Cocka: “My time is not up yet lah, St. Peter, or San Pedro, or St. Pierre whatever they call you. I’m here to check whether my friend's name is on the list”

Gatekeeper: “No, you can’t do that. I won’t entertain such request”

Cocka: **Pluck-pluck the feathers off St. Peter’s wings**

Gatekeeper: “OUCHHHH!!!!! Stop it!!! stop it!!! You sadist!!!"

Cocka: “So how? Are you going to help me out or not”

Gatekeeper: “Ok, ok I’ll do it, I’ll do it. But please don’t tell anybody. What’s your friend’s name?”

Cocka: “Lisa”

Gatekeeper: “Eh! There are hundreds of thousands of Lisa on my registry lah. Be more specific can anot?”

Cocka: “Siao Char Boh”

Gatekeeper: “Hmmm…..let’s see….”
**Flip flip flip thru’ pages**
“Ah yes! Her name is here. ….but written in pencil, that means not confirmed yet”

Cocka: “Good. Rub it off your registry. Give her another chance. Her time is not up yet”
**Passing eraser to St. Peter**

Gatekeeper: “What??? You mad ar?? You want me to loose my job issit??
No I can’t do it. You go ask God to do it”

Cocka: “Aww!! C’mon!! Why would you want to bother big G? He is so busy with sunset mass this evening and sunday mass. There are so many people waiting in line to talk to Him and that’s why He appointed you to be the Gatekeeper. You are empowered to make that decision.”

Gatekeeper: “Nope, I can’t do it…I won’t do it”

**Cocka snatched the halo from the St Peter and played Frisbee with it. It ricochet off the Pearly gates and decapitated the head of the guardian angel’s statue .....like a guillotine**

Cocka: “I’m going to bend it and return to you as one twisted halo…no wait!
I got a better idea. I’m going to bend and shape it like Lucifer’s horns. Muahahahaha!!!!”

Gatekeeper: “No! No! Please don’t, don’t do it……ok ok , I’ll will erase her name”

Cocka: “Make sure you do it. Give her another chance. That's all I ask.
And don’t rewrite her name there when I’m away. Otherwise, I’ll come back with Wingz bangla workers to come dismantle your Pearly Gates. They are worth a lot of money you know….Muahahahahaha”

**evil laughter as Cocka returns halo to St. Peter**





Ok, Lisa. You’ll be all right. Come on back now, girl. We all miss you!

Friday, April 21, 2006

 

The Faint Silver Lining.....

I went to visit Siau Char Bo today. Didn’t get to go into the ICU immediately because they allow only 2 visitors at a time and someone was already there before me.

While I was waiting at the visitors waiting area. I noticed a string of colorful origami cranes with Lisa’s name written on every bird. I thought someone did not have the time to wait and must’ve left it there for her.

Just then, a lady sitting nearby asked if I am Cocka Doodle from JB. I replied and inquired how did she know.
Jomel told me you’ll be visiting today and to look out for someone with moustache”
She is Nancy, SCB’s close friend and the lady next to her was SCB’s mum.
Her mum must’ve been really surprised to learn that she has so many friends from the blogsphere.

After a while, SCB’s dad and uncle emerged from the ICU and it was our turn to go in.

Her eyes were already half-opened and it seems like she is flickering her eyelids trying to focus. She could also hold her attention much longer than what was related on Jomel’s blog a few days ago and this is definitely a great improvement.

I talked to her and touched her arm. She seems to be trying very hard to respond.
I told her we needed her to wake up quick so that we could have another bloggers’ gathering. I reminded her of the fun and laughter we had the last one and at that point, I saw a twitch at the corner of her mouth, as though she was attempting to smile or laugh.
I don’t know. Perhaps, it could be the nerves or reflexes but I did see it!

Nancy spoke to her tirelessly, coaxing her to wake up, reminding her of the things they promised to do together. Lisa is such a lucky person to have a friend like her.

I told her she needs to wait up so that we can go clubbing. Just then, I saw a tear flowing from the corner of her right eye. Ok, ok, maybe after this episode, she does not want to go clubbing for a while.
Reminded her that her little girl needs her and she gotta wake up to take care of her.
After a while I started mentioning whiskys, Sangria ….some of her favorite drinks. Again I saw another tear at the corner of her right eye.
Coincidence? I don’t think so. I think she is trying to tell me something.

Before I left, I assured her mom that we will continue to keep her in our prayers. So all you people out there, please continue to pray for her.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

 

Earth Calling SCB, Do you Copy ?


Hey! Guess what? We need to wake Siao Char Bo up. She has got chores to do, bills to pay, cat to feed and a child to babysit. She can’t do all these if she’s still out cold.

Actually ah, I also need to take her out clubbing (or maybe get lucky later) because I promised her I would do so. Ok, ok her godma too.

So I am appealing to you my friends to go record your macho, sexy, hiao-hiao voice in MP3 or wave format and send it to humsap Lin Peh at xymalaysia@yahoo.com by 12 noon, Thursday, 20th April 2006.
Do exclude your mobile phone number to LinPeh because this guy really humsap wan.

I am sure SCB will be glad to hear from us.

Thanks in advance.

Related Posts:
Lin Peh: Wake Up SCB!
GBYeow: Spare A Thought And Your Voice For SCB
Helen: Appeal for Your Words of Encouragement...
Wingz: Save a life! Join Voice For a Cause
9393: Send our voice of CARE to SCB
King's Wife: Voice for a Cause
Zara's Mama: Bloggers Unite
Seng Kor: Let's Unite Our Hearts

Sunday, April 16, 2006

 

Of Men and Boys.....


9393 once asked if I played for the COBRAs. No, I played for Bucks RFC, Singapore but I took a keen interest in the COBRA 10s tournament, Hong Kong 7s for several years.

I was really passionate about this sport in my younger days and I guess the formative years must have left an indelible impression on me. Contrary to the belief that it’s a ruffian’s game, rugby is indeed a thinking game. It forces the whole team to think, strategize and execute while keeping a cool head under immense pressure.

To me, it is also a character development game. Knowing fully well its rough nature, the hard knocks, bruises and bumps, every player will not walk off the pitch unruffled. One does not loose his temper with the opponents because this IS the nature of the game and we chose to be a part of that. We want to play ball. Very often we pick ourselves (or rather mangled-self) up and say, ” Fuck it! Ignore the pain! It don’t mean anything! Drive on!”
To me, this outlook applies equally well in the life I chose to live.
Unlike soccer, rugby players are no wimps for we do not fake injuries, practice professional foul because those things disgust rugby fans and players alike.
Rugby supporters are also fun loving people and you won’t find them fighting, turning over cars torching or looting shops when their home team lost.

Injuries? Yeah, I had a few. Nothing too serious except for a twisted ankle that got me hobbling for a month. There was also an incident where I did not turn my face fast enough while tackling this huge Maori opponent in one of the matches at Dieppe barracks. I crashed into his knee and that left me with a nasty black eye.
Or the game against arch rival SCC where someone accidentally elbowed me in the chin so hard that it tore off the flesh between my gums and lower lip. I was bleeding quite badly but I continued playing because the coach said that we have used up all our substitutes. We would have been one man short if I dropped out for medical attention. It was a truly tough game that day and both teams suffered a fair amount of injuries. After the match, I went to the hospital to get stitched up….8 stitches.

Perhaps, one of the best parts of the evening after every game was the drinking and the silly songs we sang. The all too familiar male-bonding rituals, the jokes, the downing of endless gallons of golden liquid sustenance. These were some of the most memorable and enjoyable moments of my life.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

 

Happy Easter!


Happy Easter everyone. Came across this ad in Hong Kong a few months ago by Hutchinson depicting the Last Supper. Can you spot Judas?

Some people find this ad blasphemous and in bad taste. Me? As usual I just laughed it off.
What do you think?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

 

Rock The Kasbah!

I was away for almost a week at the land of the Emirates….
Attending to business, conducting site survey,







Haggling on bid price. 10 camels for the hand of his daughter....



Took time off to join the desert khalifah…..





Stayed here….



Because I could not afford to stay here…….

Survived on Turkish coffee and dates……..




Mingling with the locals….




Special SPACIOUS parking lots for the silais because they don’t know how to reverse park or parallel park……

If you are a party animal, check out the night scenes at the York Club and the Cyclone. You’ll be truly amazed by the number of chicks who hang out there.
The ratio is about 4 women to every man. Chinese piao meis, Africans and Russians chicks in abundance. I could never believe prostitution is so rampant in a middle east country like this!
Just hang out at the bar and they will approach you. One good thing is they don’t hustle you to buy them drinks and they get straight to the point. There was this Tanzanian beauty that came up to me and after the usual small talk she urged me to folloe her back to her place. Licking her lips seductively she said that she gives very good blowjobs. “Look at my boobs…..don’t you want to play with my boobs?’, she asked as she was displaying those melons playfully. "I'm sorry lady. I'm afraid you can't afford me" *grin*
Apart from Tanzania the Africans are mainly from Ethiopia & Uganda. The Russians will tell you that they are from Moscow just to elevate their status and charge more, but they are actually from those –istan countries; Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, United States of Americanistan. Sorry no pics here. The bouncers warned me about taking pictures in the night club.



I recalled my first tour of duty here in 1991, weeks before the first Gulf War on a mission to rescue a ship stranded at Fujairah. The vessel’s control system was down and I was under tremendous pressure to get it up and running before they declare that area a war zone. Troops were already massing in the region getting ready to liberate Kuwait.
Once the area is declared war zone, no flights or ships are allowed in the vicinity and those who defied the order risked being shot down! Despite the nail-biting, pee in the pants tension, and many sleepless nights, I managed to get the ship out of the gulf one week before the no-fly, no-sail zone took effect. And we charged a premium for the service of course!




This is one place that takes pride as having one of the lowest crime rates in the world, and UAE is testimony that peace can exist in the middle east.


It is truly liberal in many aspects, for example, one can bring in 4 liters of alcohol (Malaysia only allows 1 liter….tiu) and up to 400 sticks of ciggies upon arrival. They are also very tolerant to western fashion although topless sunbathing is not allowed, thongs are tolerated on the beaches and hotel pools…except on Fridays! There are plenty of pubs and bars in Dubai, however, you are advised not to drink alcohol while walking on the streets and getting pissed drunk in public.

Driving in Dubai…..
Emiratees are one of the worse drivers in the world I was told. I picked up some of the driving tips from the hotel’s guide book.


-Don’t forget to drive on the right hand side of the road.
-Always ensure that everyone in the vehicle is belted up.
-If the driver behind flashes you or start to tailgate, move over and let him past, but always check the inside lane first because some asshole may be overtaking you from that lane too!
-Don’t be surprise if someone suddenly accelerates from the fast lane to the slip road in a split second cutting up to 4 lanes of traffic in the process. This happens very frequently.
-Always remember that the indicators are considered a fashion accessory. Don’t expect anyone to give you a clue on what they intend to do.
-Although overtaking on the wrong lanes is an offence it is commonly practiced here. (sounds too familiar, right?)
-If someone in front of you is driving erratically, it is almost certainly due to the fact that they are reading map directions, sending a text message and balancing an infant on their lap all at the same time. Don’t worry, you’ll get use to it!
-Road rage doesn’t exist here. However, do not be tempted to shout abuse at, or bestow upon anyone any form of ‘hand signal’. This is a criminal offence in the UAE and you may find yourself reported to the police.
-If you are unlucky enough to involve in any form of accident, and your vehicle is not obstructing traffic you are required by law to leave the vehicle where it is and call the police. (don’t try this in Malaysia. Your wrecked car might also get stolen!)
-If your vehicle is pulled over by the police, you will be expected to get out of the vehicle and approach the police car rather than remaining in your car whilst the officer comes to you.

Parking lot reserved for Wingz...


Its safer to get around on a camel than to drive.

This trip is too short. I hope to do the desert safari on my next visit.













This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]