Nothing to Crow About

I’ve been tagged by Helen to list down 10 of my simple pleasures so here goes;


1) Having a good dump on my latest invention….the foldable toilet seat.
I can’t afford a toilet bowl, so I got to be resourceful.

2) I also enjoy bumping into someone familiar but minus the ballet pose.LOL . For those of you who wish to see 9393 doing ballet, please drop me a mail.

3) Being able to read simple Chinese characters.

4) Being kept warm with a willy warmer when I’m ‘on the road’.
Simmie, you should knit one for Jim too.

5) Allowing myself to be seduced from time to time....but usually they are not so shapely as the one in this picture la.

6) Being the ‘One’ stretching with pleasure while having my tummy rubbed.
(Muahahaha!! Ah May are you reading this?)

7) Gazing intensely into her eyes and caressing her face.
(Muahahaha!! KW are you reading this too?)

8) Sipping a Long Beach cocktail on a deck chair and not plunging into the pool when Helen is swimming all alone……for obvious reasons, like forgetting her OB. LOL!

9) Enjoying a bunch of sweet & juicy lychee LOL

10) Fantasizing of being able to morph into a waterfall …caressing the body of some tired hiker.

Oh yes, there’s also a 11th pleasure. ….and that has to be greeting LinPeh…. KNNCCB on the IM every morning! LOL

These are the 5 unfortunate souls I like to tag; Zara Mama, Seng Chai, Linpeh, Jomel and Wingz.

The accompanying song is dedicated to Titoki, for being such a good sport.

I AM Doodle…..Cocka Doodle. You can call me Cocka
I JUST NOW made myself a cocktail…… stirred, not shaken


I SAID my way of cooking instant noodles is the correct way!
I WANT to cook my instant noodle the way I see fit.
I WISH for a new kitchen to do that now because
I HATE it when I farked up big time following her method

I MISS my old kitchen……and house. (sob! Sob!)
I FEAR the missus will find out when she gets home.

I HEAR that Linpeh cannot stay out too late because his piaomei will twist 9 his ears.
I WONDER if he is as tough as what he usually portrays himself to be.
I REGRET knowing this guy sometimes……now my reputation in blogsphere is sweeping the floor liao.
I AM NOT a nice guy anymore because of him. LOL

I SING when I want to drown out my fart so that others won’t notice.
I CRY because sometimes, its not only fart that comes out. *grin*
I AM NOT ALWAYS wearing underwear. I prefer boxers, more ballroom.

I MADE the young girls cry……
I WRITE the song, I write the song…….I am music.....and I write the song....

I get CONFUSED with Scotsmen in kilts for women after a few whiskies.
I NEED lift their kilts from time to time to make sure.

I SHOULD teach this guy more lessons on how to tackle girls.
I START with foreplay and
I FINISH with a screw…..unlike this guy here I know who start with reading a dirty magazine and end up wanking. LOL

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and found a few strands of graying hair.
Hmmm.....must've been those bunch asses at work that gave me this.
I don't think I'm that old yet wat....although Seng Chai for some reasons like to address me as uncle Cocka.

Just then, another lady friend of mine text me this penis poem to remind me of my age......tiu!

My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal is now my water spout.

Time was on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,
but now I have a full time job just to find the blasted thing

It used to be embarassing, the way it would behave
For every single morning , it would stand and watch me shave

Now as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head, and watch me tie my shoes!

Oi! I'm still ok lah, but, that's only one way to find. ...I told her. *grin*

Speaking of that (the age thing and not the penis thingy) it reminds me......Happy Birthday Ah May! and many thanks for the delicious brownies and cookies.They were truly yummy!
You should have joined us for second round at the karaoke.
Seng Chai's rendition of Bon Jovi's songs was so powerful that the TV broke down!

Here's the sudden appearance of one of the Spice Girls after a long silence.




















"Now...tell me what you want, what you really, really want................."

I was chatting with King’s Wife and Seng Chai on Yahoo IM when all of a sudden hunger pangs hit. Inspired by all that weekend synchronized baking and cooking from this lady and this guy, I asked if they would also like to try ‘synchronized’ supper preparation.

King’s wife, with her hiao-hiao tone (I can feel her vibes and radiation from the IM messages, believe me) jumped at the idea like an excited school girl who got her first period kiss, while Seng Chai was just as curious to explore his mother’s ‘sah poe ang charng’ (pots and pans)

In spite of the 1 minute time zone difference between JB and KL we could coordinate and synchronized our cooking with much precision and perfection. Thanks to wi-fi and Skype, we brought our laptops to the kitchen and talk to each other…

I decided on my favorite Kimchi Ramyun noodles.

Noodle: 120 gm
Made from wheat flour, palm oil, starch, salt, and potassium carbonate.

Accompanied by: Powder soup
Ingredients: salt, monosodium glutamate, spices, kimchi powder, sugar, soya sauce powder.

Dehydrated vegetable: kimchi flakes & dried chives


Cooking Directions:
Pour 550 ml water into pot and boil

Put noodle, powder soup and vegetable together into boiling water

Simmer for additional 4-5 minutes

Add egg. As with all Korean food add dog meat if desired.

King’s wife: “So how is it? Is it still hard??”

Cocka: “Oooh! You bet it is. I’ve just put it in……give it a few minutes”

Seng Chai: “Mine soft already! Mine soft already!”

**Squeals and Laughter**

Cocka: “Aiyah! Seng Chai, what kind of noodles did you use? So fast get soft geh?”

Seng Chai: Maggi mee lor....2 minutes kau tim“

King’s wife: “I’m just stirring mine in a slow circular motion….I like it this way….ooooo so erotic…..
Adding in the condiments now…..”

**The hiao-hiao voice coupled with my imagination that she is wearing nothing else but an apron generated so much heat in my kitchen. My specs were fogged up, I was perspiring buckets**

10 minutes later….Voila! Ready to serve….and look truly delicious!

Results:
Mine turned out orgasmic! King’s wife’s turned out heavenly……
But Seng Chai’s……..

Seng Chai: “Uncle Cocka, how come my maggi mee taste like rubbish geh?”

Cocka: “Huh? Your maggi mee got expired or not?”

Seng Chai: “No…I just checked”

Cocka: “What water did you use?”

Seng Chai:” Tap water la…”

Cocka: “Haiyah! KL tap water kena contamination from landfills already! You didn’t read the papers meh? Take a tip from King’s wife. She used Evian….imported water from the French Alps”


**This morning**

Out of curiosity, I asked King’s Wife what was she wearing last night with all that cooking going on.

King’s wife: “Ermm….I was wearing a big pair of pasar malam shorts, T-shirt, curlers in my hair and my thick ‘Lam Ah Chan’ spectacles”

Tiu……how anti climax!