Sunday, October 29, 2006
English Language Course At LCW University
Kata-kata aluan dari Pengarah Lin-Cocka-Wingz University of fine yamade.
Like any establishment of higher learning, it is our social responsibility to the country to ensure that the future generation of Malaysians is geared towards the globalized economy and the challenges that awaits.
In response to the deterioration of the English language in this country, we at Lin Cocka Wingz are taking a pro-active approach to address this problem and it is my pleasure to announce that we have hired Indian professors to join our Faculty of English Language. (Why Indians professors? Cheap mah…)
Once again, unlike some universities that are sliding in world ranking, Lin Cocka Wingz University is taking off (not only our clothes) in leaps and bounds.
Append is an excerpt from our English class explaining the word 'Fuck'.
For further information please call 1800-talk-engrish and speak to our counsellors.
Like any establishment of higher learning, it is our social responsibility to the country to ensure that the future generation of Malaysians is geared towards the globalized economy and the challenges that awaits.
In response to the deterioration of the English language in this country, we at Lin Cocka Wingz are taking a pro-active approach to address this problem and it is my pleasure to announce that we have hired Indian professors to join our Faculty of English Language. (Why Indians professors? Cheap mah…)
Once again, unlike some universities that are sliding in world ranking, Lin Cocka Wingz University is taking off (not only our clothes) in leaps and bounds.
Append is an excerpt from our English class explaining the word 'Fuck'.
For further information please call 1800-talk-engrish and speak to our counsellors.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
New Mouse For Ladies....
After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PC's. They found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; it is more of a psychological problem. Some women reported that the mouse 'just didn't feel right' in their hands. Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women. Various field tests have been carried out on the new design, here are some of the testimonials:
Julie from Hawthorn: "It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be".
Susan from Kew added: "I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle".
Hillary from South Yarra: "I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one!!"
Update: Testimonies from more satisfied users……
Carcar: “My male colleagues don’t find me feminine because of my hardhat and safety boots attire at work. With this mouse, they begin to look at me in a different light and I can feel it! Yes! It’s opening the floodgates of my feminine charms and I have no regrets switching to this. Now every ah chi, ah gow also come and kidnap me to lunch”
King’s Wife: “Ever since my maid ran away, I hardly find time to blog. With this brilliant invention, I now can spend countless useless ‘sek pau mou yeh choe’ hours reading blogs while ironing King’s clothes.
Winn: “This is an absolutely phenomenal liu-liu invention since they put a man on the moon! If Lucas ever cheats at mahjong again, I can use this to iron the wrinkles of his balls. Muahahaha!!”
Dr. Chen: “I’ll piak myself with a decaying sotong and smear myself with the sotong’s dye if I don’t get one of this immediately.”
Ah Tak: “My Mac Book sales have shot up 10 folds since the introduction of this mouse! So has my commission! I am laughing all the way to the bank!! Jacq…will you marry me?”
Ipoh mali Helen: “This is such a wonderful birthday gift from John. He even got me a model that squirts! I can also double this as a barbell for my biceps curls while blogging.”
Titoki: “Finally! Something that I’ve been waiting for to use on my ‘ironing board’ chest.
So practical can die! I can also iron away my wrinkles and crow’s feet that Cocka noticed.”
Rojakz: “Kan ni neh! If I advertise this invention on my blog, that farker is gonna click on it 599 times again! Tiu lor”
Zara’s Mama: Eversince this technology merge, I’ve been fighting with Tuyam my maid to iron the clothes. I can’t wait for their next invention….the monitor that doubles as a washing machine and spend quality time blogging during working hours and watch my laundry being washed.”
LB: “As a bachelor, this is the next best thing to sliced bread and ABC soup. I owned a version that shaves, vibrates, whistles and sings. Truly a remarkable invention.”
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Julie from Hawthorn: "It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be".
Susan from Kew added: "I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle".
Hillary from South Yarra: "I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one!!"
Update: Testimonies from more satisfied users……
Carcar: “My male colleagues don’t find me feminine because of my hardhat and safety boots attire at work. With this mouse, they begin to look at me in a different light and I can feel it! Yes! It’s opening the floodgates of my feminine charms and I have no regrets switching to this. Now every ah chi, ah gow also come and kidnap me to lunch”
King’s Wife: “Ever since my maid ran away, I hardly find time to blog. With this brilliant invention, I now can spend countless useless ‘sek pau mou yeh choe’ hours reading blogs while ironing King’s clothes.
Winn: “This is an absolutely phenomenal liu-liu invention since they put a man on the moon! If Lucas ever cheats at mahjong again, I can use this to iron the wrinkles of his balls. Muahahaha!!”
Dr. Chen: “I’ll piak myself with a decaying sotong and smear myself with the sotong’s dye if I don’t get one of this immediately.”
Ah Tak: “My Mac Book sales have shot up 10 folds since the introduction of this mouse! So has my commission! I am laughing all the way to the bank!! Jacq…will you marry me?”
Ipoh mali Helen: “This is such a wonderful birthday gift from John. He even got me a model that squirts! I can also double this as a barbell for my biceps curls while blogging.”
Titoki: “Finally! Something that I’ve been waiting for to use on my ‘ironing board’ chest.
So practical can die! I can also iron away my wrinkles and crow’s feet that Cocka noticed.”
Rojakz: “Kan ni neh! If I advertise this invention on my blog, that farker is gonna click on it 599 times again! Tiu lor”
Zara’s Mama: Eversince this technology merge, I’ve been fighting with Tuyam my maid to iron the clothes. I can’t wait for their next invention….the monitor that doubles as a washing machine and spend quality time blogging during working hours and watch my laundry being washed.”
LB: “As a bachelor, this is the next best thing to sliced bread and ABC soup. I owned a version that shaves, vibrates, whistles and sings. Truly a remarkable invention.”
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Ebay Shoppers.....Be Afraid!
Ebay shoppers beware!
I came across an interesting article here on the reported scam experienced by some unsuspecting Ebay shoppers. So, people beware of the risks involved, yeah!
Some months back, there was this prick who sold a broken laptop to an unsuspecting buyer and didn’t make good his part of the deal. So the buyer got so pissed off that he decided to put up on the blog for all to see what’s in the seller unformatted hard disk!
Click here. You are fucked, Amir! Muahahaha!!!!
Meanwhile, enjoy the song, everyone!
EBAY
Parody of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys
Yeah
A used...pink bathrobe
A rare...mint snow globe
A Smurf...TV tray
I bought on eBay
My house...is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay
Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay
I'll buy...your knick-knack
Just check...my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay
Gonna buy (a slightly damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay
I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough
I'll buy...your tchotchkes
Sell me..your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy...)
I'm highest bidder now
(Junk keeps arriving in the mail)
(From that worldwide garage sale)
(Hey! A Dukes of Hazzard ashtray)
Oh yeah...(I bought it on eBay)
Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
(Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre)
(Found it on eBay)
Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcett poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why...The kind of stuff you'd throw away)
(I'll buy on eBay)
What I bought on eBay
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Long Live Uncle Ho !!
I was minding my 3 year old nephew, Luke the other day after his parents conveniently dropped him here while they went gallivanting. Trying to pacify a bawling toddler can be quite a handful and so I decided to dig in my archived DVDs to check any suitable kid stuff. While rummaging thru the store room underneath my stairs, I came across this uncensored version of Sesame Street amongst my dusty but 'prized' collection.
That saved the day! I decided that its time young Luke be exposed to the realities of life.
No more watching those lame kids’ stuff and singing nursery rhymes. Uncle Cocka will teach you the right stuff from now on.
Like...how to roll a joint...
Interpreting your power of observation......
"Wow!! I see a techno-colored rainblow"
Move over Janet Jackson! Ms Piggy rules!!
Heeee Haw!!! Ride em, Cowboy!!
In conclusion, it all depends on how open minded one is when interpreting these scenes. Don’t you find it pretty amusing and rather ‘educational’? After all, didn’t the ministry of education mentioned about using cartoons for sex education?
As long as there are those religiously skewed ‘holier than thou’ bigots in the censor board to decide what I should see or listen to in a movie, rest assured you’ll have my undying support, Uncle Ho.
Now…let me look for that elusive Barney the Kinky Dinosaur.
That saved the day! I decided that its time young Luke be exposed to the realities of life.
No more watching those lame kids’ stuff and singing nursery rhymes. Uncle Cocka will teach you the right stuff from now on.
Like...how to roll a joint...
Interpreting your power of observation......
"Wow!! I see a techno-colored rainblow"
Move over Janet Jackson! Ms Piggy rules!!
Heeee Haw!!! Ride em, Cowboy!!
In conclusion, it all depends on how open minded one is when interpreting these scenes. Don’t you find it pretty amusing and rather ‘educational’? After all, didn’t the ministry of education mentioned about using cartoons for sex education?
As long as there are those religiously skewed ‘holier than thou’ bigots in the censor board to decide what I should see or listen to in a movie, rest assured you’ll have my undying support, Uncle Ho.
Now…let me look for that elusive Barney the Kinky Dinosaur.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Lunatic Fringe
This is another one of those long overdue posts. Sorry for the delay. Damn 9 busy these days.
Seefei from Kiasuland was in town last week, so I thought it would be fun to gather a few bloggers to meet up with him over lunch. It’s my turn to reciprocate the goodwill.
This time we’ve got the notorious Titoki on my list, and newcomer, Kenny the rocker invited by 9393. Oh yes…and Tiuniasing (invited by angel) who turned up very late and I didn't really have a chance to speak to him because he was seated on the other end.
The usual bunch of noisemakers include Carcar, Angel, Winn, auntie Kat & Ah Tak (for a brief stopover), Jilo-impact, 9393, Sengjai (As usual this fella hiao-hiao last minute got wind that so many lengluis are coming he decided to make himself available)
Lunch was held at Lan cheow Kwai Fong Café. Try the food there and you’ll know why I renamed it Lan cheow Kwai Fong. *Puke!*
I had the opportunity of being up ‘close and personal’ with Titoki, and I tell you this girl is not what you would imagine in her blog. In fact, she is far worse than that!. Hahahaha!! Ok, ok just kidding here. She is actually quite shy and timid and the whole evening I did not hear her utter a word of KNNCCB LANJIAO!!! Or maybe it wasn’t full moon that night.
Later after dinner, I was also fortunate to meet her Mocha Berry and raba-raba her number plate for luck, so those of you 4-D punters who wants to know, please bribe me.
And yes, Mocha Berry got a much sexier butt than Titoki by the way. Hahahaha!!!
This artistic shot is dedicated to Vad3r….simply entitled; “Lychee in A-minor ”
Back tracking to the afternoon, the 5 of us (angel, jilo-impact, Kenny, winn, me) decided to head to Redbox karaoke after lunch for much singing…..
and dancing….
and falling in love....
"Near….Far…wherever you are…….I believe that the heart will go on……"
That’s Leonardo ‘Cocka Doodle’ Caprio & Angel ‘Rose’
Kenny belting out a Bon Jovi number…”It's my life...it's now or never….”
Ladies! This guy can really sing laam Cantonese numbers by Jacky Cheung. Surely melts your hearts! Ah Tak, you got yourself a competitor.
Eh..girls! Pssst! If you like his singing, just throw your panties will do lah! Not the pantyliners or sanitary pads!! Ewwww!!!
It was a good mini blog meet and I am truly glad to have met all of you. Keep up with the fun, yeah! There’ll be more coming!
Acknowledgment : Pictures photoshop by this guy.
Seefei from Kiasuland was in town last week, so I thought it would be fun to gather a few bloggers to meet up with him over lunch. It’s my turn to reciprocate the goodwill.
This time we’ve got the notorious Titoki on my list, and newcomer, Kenny the rocker invited by 9393. Oh yes…and Tiuniasing (invited by angel) who turned up very late and I didn't really have a chance to speak to him because he was seated on the other end.
The usual bunch of noisemakers include Carcar, Angel, Winn, auntie Kat & Ah Tak (for a brief stopover), Jilo-impact, 9393, Sengjai (As usual this fella hiao-hiao last minute got wind that so many lengluis are coming he decided to make himself available)
Lunch was held at Lan cheow Kwai Fong Café. Try the food there and you’ll know why I renamed it Lan cheow Kwai Fong. *Puke!*
I had the opportunity of being up ‘close and personal’ with Titoki, and I tell you this girl is not what you would imagine in her blog. In fact, she is far worse than that!. Hahahaha!! Ok, ok just kidding here. She is actually quite shy and timid and the whole evening I did not hear her utter a word of KNNCCB LANJIAO!!! Or maybe it wasn’t full moon that night.
Later after dinner, I was also fortunate to meet her Mocha Berry and raba-raba her number plate for luck, so those of you 4-D punters who wants to know, please bribe me.
And yes, Mocha Berry got a much sexier butt than Titoki by the way. Hahahaha!!!
This artistic shot is dedicated to Vad3r….simply entitled; “Lychee in A-minor ”
Back tracking to the afternoon, the 5 of us (angel, jilo-impact, Kenny, winn, me) decided to head to Redbox karaoke after lunch for much singing…..
and dancing….
and falling in love....
"Near….Far…wherever you are…….I believe that the heart will go on……"
That’s Leonardo ‘Cocka Doodle’ Caprio & Angel ‘Rose’
Kenny belting out a Bon Jovi number…”It's my life...it's now or never….”
Ladies! This guy can really sing laam Cantonese numbers by Jacky Cheung. Surely melts your hearts! Ah Tak, you got yourself a competitor.
Eh..girls! Pssst! If you like his singing, just throw your panties will do lah! Not the pantyliners or sanitary pads!! Ewwww!!!
It was a good mini blog meet and I am truly glad to have met all of you. Keep up with the fun, yeah! There’ll be more coming!
Acknowledgment : Pictures photoshop by this guy.
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