Saturday, June 24, 2006

 

Weekend cheers.....Of scotsmen and parrots

The Scotsman and the Dentist
A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"£85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist .

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40".

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5. But it's going to be very traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, "Jesus, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this --how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, Iwrap my dick around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."The guy looks at the £20000 price tag.

"Sorry, but I just can't afford that.""Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20; just make the shopkeeper an offer!"

The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes,and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst,"and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....

"Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?""Fucked if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

Comments:
wuahahahahhahahahahaha!!!
 
this is classic cocka!! hahahaha
 
first post I read when I'm back, and they're your weekend jokes... LOL!
 
sot sot sot sot sot sot!!! very the sotong!!
 
Hey, nice meeting you. You cracked me uo man! I'm sorry I can't make it for the 2nd round but there is always a next time.
 
Hahahaha

Now you know why I keep dogs and not birds. :-P
 
helen,
you mean because dogs never gets a hard on?
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Wingz....your thunderous laughter scare the shit out of me.

see fei....still busy making babies??

may....welcome home. Mmmmuuuaaakkss!!

LB....squid?? cuttlefish?? octopus??

inevitable....Glad you enjoyed the evening.

Helen....Why? you always let the postman in ah?

Ah Pek....No, dogs don't perch mah!
 
hahahahaa....hamsup mia parrot but damn farneeee
 
i like the parrot story better!
 
Good ole cocka!! Continue laughing from that night until now!!
No wonder you always fong sum leave the house...got watchbird-bird!!
 
Its COOL man !!
 
This kinda hubby saddist ar?
pssst.. the parrot need more training!
 
haiyah. fell off perch still can see one mah. but this parrot got one strong dick. and can turn somemore. keng chau.
 
I'm not telling... and my dog won't tell either. :-P
 
Simmie....my advice to you is don't keep a parrot

Wuching.....yeah, i know you identify with that. LOL

Kat....It was a pleasure having met you and 'Husband'. Thanks for the good times.

Aceone....Mutt yeh kum cool??

Dreamie.... This kind of hubby is very cost conscious. Makes a good hubby. Saving the rainy days kind.
The parrot? maybe he could do it in flight, he would still catch all the action.

Lenglui....fell off perch, unless landed on the couple how to see? But if he landed on the couple, they could also use his feathers to tickle those sensitive zones hor. LOL

Helen....or let the meter reader in?? or the gas delivery man?? or the plumber?? the gardener?? Geez....I'm pretty sure the dog lost count. Hahahahaha!!!
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

etc...

Killing me bro'
 
parrot can get hard on one meh!
 
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