Nothing to Crow About

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a football."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$750"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$2250"

Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy,

"Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy -"$3000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again. You're in my cupboard now."

# posted by Cocka Doodle @ 12:34 AM 14 Comments

Last week, the Pommies went head-on with the Frogs for the fourth time in Paris, Stade de France in the World Cup Rugby semi finals.

The two arch rivals also met in the 1991 quarter-finals where the Poms won 19-10, the 1995 third place play-off (Frogs prevailed 19-9) and the 2003 semi-finals, where the Poms again won 24-7 on that greasy wet pitch in Sydney.

So when the respective captains, Raphael Ibanez and Phil Vickery, lead their teams out last Saturday morning, little did I realize the humiliation the host were going to face.

The frustrating thing was watching the frogs played with limited imagination and a non existence ‘garlic flair’ that won my admiration in the past, watching them kicking away possession when they could have utilize their hard running backs. The much needed punch they had the week before when they defeated the Kiwis was grossly missing!

The Poms just took 78 seconds after kickoff to score their brilliant try with winger Josh Lewsey racing past his opponents and pouncing on the hesitant Damien Traille. After that, anybody who thought that the score would herald 78 more minutes of running rugby were to be left disappointed as the boot and staunch defence ruled.

Apart from conceding silly penalties within kicking range, the frogs could only convert 3 of them.

(a dejected French supporter)

Three minutes to full time, Wilkinson found himself in the pocket after a massive drive by the forward pack and slotted a magnificent 35-metre drop kick that sealed their victory.

Final score: England 14, France 9

Damn the Poms! They are in the finals….and I lost money. Perhaps the All Blacks parody best describe how I felt that day.

Never mind. I look forward to a repeat of the first round humiliating 36-0 defeat of the English by the Springboks tomorrow night.

# posted by Cocka Doodle @ 1:55 AM 13 Comments

Well, let me tell you the hard times I went thru…..

Back in the old days, things were not as rosy….

Then it got better….

I recall the days where I have to carry the bulky Atur

These days, I just settle for simplicity…

There done liao!

On another note, Titoki asked “What do elephants use for tampons?”
My answer is err….pssst! They stick a sheep up their cb huh? Muahahahha!!

In fact, they don’t. They use super-duper, the maxiest of the maxi pads that has “wings”. Now you know why elephants can fly! It’s true. These days they have a pad for almost everything!

Here’s a dedication to you this week, sweetie

Latest news! Inevitable will never allow Dom Dom to meet up with Liucas again without strapping her up like this.

The poor bitch was humped by Liucas during their recent encounter despite all odds -his height and kkc's length handicap.

Inevitable was adamant that he will never allow his Dom Dom to practice prenuptial sex.

Last I heard fiery words on dowry negotiations and wedding arrangements were reportedly exchanged between the Lohs and the Yaps. Way to go fellas! You are one step closer to being relatives.

Here’s a dedication to the furry couple.

Have a good Hari Raya to those celebrating!

# posted by Cocka Doodle @ 10:17 PM 23 Comments

Last Tuesday, I made an appointment for my first colonoscopy. (Children, this is one of the perks of growing older). The doctor told me to be home early, skip dinner and drink a concoction of what-cha-ma-call-it salty solution and a packet of ‘magic cleanser’ mixed with a litre of water at 6pm, and I should finish the whole bottle by 8pm latest.

Wallowing in momentary self pity that I’ll be missing dinner, I decided to treat myself to a hearty nasi briani lunch. Truly satisfying…

By 5.45pm I was still in the office and knowing that I’ll be caught in the peak hour traffic, I decided to mix the concoction and drink it there hoping that by the time I reached home, the laxative would have taken effect. Downing the litre in about an hour while at crawling pace of the traffic wasn’t a problem. Big mistake! By 7.30 pm and still caught up in a slow crawl, I realized the asshole wasn’t going to cooperate. What happened over the next 5 minutes would have put Lewis Hamilton, Alonso or Schumacher driving skills to shame. I floored the accelerator overtaking everyone else on the road shoulder, zigzagging ala formula 1, knocking down cone markers and drawing finger gestures from irate road users while getting myself to the nearest petrol kiosk. As luck was on my side, the shit-house was unoccupied. The first wave of Tsunami was ‘heavenly’…ahh… all the solids were expelled from the bowel. That was about it and I happily continued my journey home….or so I thought. Holy macaroni! Just as I was about to pull out of the station, I felt the second wave building up and in a flash faster than Flash Gordon, I was back in that smelly crampy shithouse taking another dump. Trying to hold back and fumbling for the zip was an almost futile attempt. Geez! After that, I hurried home anticipating more after shocks.The 3^rd to 7^th bouts were much more comfortably discharged sitting on my custom-built, ‘contoured to my arse’ toilet seat.

It was quite an experience I must say. I never felt so clean inside out. In fact, I was humming ‘Singing In the Rain’ along with the bowel movements.

Wednesday, on arrival at the hospital, I was told to strip and put on a hospital gown tied in the back. I felt silly trying to figure out which side of the flap goes over which and after a while I gave up trying to tie the strings together.

Shortly thereafter, one of the 2 tending nurses instruct me to lie on my side…for the gala festivities were about to begin. Too bad there wasn’t any accompanying orchestra.

Usually, I would have been very embarrassed exposing myself to 3 strangers; a doc and 2 nurses, but then I realized I was the only one in the room who did not choose a life staring up on people’s arses! I can’t believe they actually went to school to do this! Hahaha! It must have been an elective subject! ROTFLMAO! And the 2 nurses, my guess would be they are condemn in their careers and hence, assigned to this department!

After sedation, I was told to count from 10 to 0. “Ahh..piece of cake”; I replied. “10, 9, 8, 7…….3,4,5……..zzzzzzzzzz”

When I woke up, I realized that I was no longer eligible for virgin sacrifice. *sob sob!* It was done and over. I never felt the intrusion or any discomfort. “Congratulations Mr Cocka! Everything looks fine!” said the doctor, as he handed me a clean bill of health and a bill of RM 1,029.50. He had the last laugh I supposed, for I was the one who paid a hefty price to get my arse poked.

# posted by Cocka Doodle @ 2:23 AM 32 Comments