Nothing to Crow About

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Hi folks! Sorry for not updating of late. I have been busy like a green arse fly these couple of weeks and I’m waaaaaaaay…behind in this tag. I’m sure you’ll get to know me lots after going thru’ the questions yeah.

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
Were married. She was widowed in ’91 but she has since found someone nice from her church. I think that uncle must be tired of living also after knowing her. Hahahaha!!!

2) Are you a vegetarian?
No, my religion does not allow me to consume vegetables or any kind of greens. Only meat. Vegetables scream when you cut them.

3) Do you believe in Heaven?
Initially no, but now that a certain group says there are virgins awaiting especially when you blow yourself up….YES!!

4) Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes, when she sat on my face, I began to suffocate. *gasp!* Cunnilingus has never been this life-threathening before!

5) What jewellery do you wear 24/7?
Penis ring counted ah?.

6) Favourite time of day?
It has to be feeding time.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
No, see answer 2.

8) Do you wear makeup?
Only once. I painted the club colours on my face- red, white and green rings like a target.

9) Ever have plastic surgery?
No, but I am negotiating with my surgeon on the rates for a Brad Pitt look-alike.

10) Do you colour your hair?
Be specific can anot? Are you talking about hair on head? Pubic region? Armpits or chest??

11) What do you wear to bed?
Usually a dirty smile if I’m horny.

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
a) Smoked pot

b) used my engineering expertise to modify kapcai bikes for Saturday nights illegal races

c) gang-banged a nympho with 3 others when I was 16.

13) Can you roll your tongue?
Around a nipple? Yes…can

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
No. But I once shaved a friend’s eyebrows when he was out pissed drunk.

15) What kind of sneakers?
Fung Keong. Is this brand still around?

16) Do you believe in Abortions?
Only if the Pope got the nuns pregnant.

17) What is your Hair color?
See answer 10.

18) Future child’s name?
Shhhh!!! *Whisper* Legitimate or illegitimate ones? LOL.

19) Do you snore?
Yes, yes!! I score twice last week, sometimes three if I’m lucky. Wait! Did you say score or snore?

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
Baghdad. I heard they’ve got great fireworks display everynight!

21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No, my taxidermist said they looked better displayed prominently in the living room. That reminds me to go hunting for some more animals to stuff. A sun bear would be a nice addition.

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
I’ll check and recheck whether it’s some African scam.

23) Gold or silver?
For melting down and making the Holy Cow I choose gold.

24) Hamburger or hot dog?
Hamburgers of course. It resembles the pussy when held up sideways. The oozing, dripping mayonaise that resembles love juice…begging to be lapped up…..

The cheesy smell…..

The musky beefy meat patty….mmm….

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
See question 24

26) City, beach or country?
Wherever got lenglui piaomeis, I go.

27) What was the last thing you touched?
Hers…

28) Where did you eat last?
At Jarrods & Rawlings with her and her.

29) When’s the last time you cried?
Reading the newspapers. I laughed so hard I cried. These days the local political scenes are damn funny. Frankly, I think they can do away with the comic strip. The whole newspaper IS indeed a comic and the country’s a circus!

30) Do you read blogs?
This is a trick question right? Tiu!

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Does kilt counts?

32) Ever been involved with the police?
Yep. Mostly bribing them.

But the most satisfying thing would be playing a game of rugby against them. When else could one get to sock or stomp on cops and get away with it?

33) What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
Shampoo? What shampoo? soap and water will do the trick.
Soap : Popinjay, 333

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
Sometimes. On a couple of occasions, MOHA got quite upset because it wasn’t her name that was uttered.

35) Ocean or pool?
By the pool sipping cocktails, ogling at sweet young things. Bring on the nubiles!!

36) So, who has the original missing questions? #36, 37, 61, and 62?
Another trick question ah?.

37) Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend?
Don’t know wat wat menage.
But me and Ah Pek would rather have a romp with a Minachi for a spicy weekend. LOL

38) Window seat or aisle?
On the plane, definitely aisle. Can cuci mata with all those sexy stewardess. But of late, MAS stewardess all also damn cheh kai mya.

39) Ever met anyone famous?
Yes, Linpeh and Rojakz

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
Before or after taking up blogging?


41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Cooked or uncooked spaghetti?? Not yet cook how to twirl? Tiu!

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
Mr Bean, can ah?

43) Basketball or Football?
I prefer watching ladies playing tennis. Those bouncing bor bor more interesting.

44) How long do your showers last?
Depends on who I am showering with. I like to scrub her back and she scrubs mine. A wild passionate lovemaking in the shower and all that foreplay can take 45 mins to 1 hour.

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?
Stick…yes, I usually tie a carrot to the stick. The stupid mule loves chasing after it.
No, I have not seen an automatic donkey yet.

46) Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream….when I want to spread it all over her body and lick it off her.

47) Are you self-conscious?
No. I finally succeeded in dipping yau char kwai in a cup of café latte at Starbucks with all those prim and proper yuppies giving me disapproving stares.

48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up?
Hahahaa!! What do you think? Many moons ago, I got drunk and fell asleep behind the wheel at a traffic junction while waiting for the lights to change.

On numerous occasions, I could find my way home, but got just too pissed to open the door and go into the house. So I slept in the car.

Yes, threw up once while attempting the ‘Yard Glass’ drinking sprint.

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
No, but I remember when I was young we were so poor that we ended up robbing the burglar that broke into our house. LOL

50) Have you been in love?
Why keep a cow when milk is readily available from the supermarket?

51) Where do you wish you were?
Stranded on a dessert island with a dozen big boob bimbos, and only me could provide the only source of liquid protein. Hehe!

52) Are you wearing socks?
No, am wearing pantyhose over my head!

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Choi!

54) Can you tango?
No, I prefer a-go-go. You should have seen Nyonya Penang did hers at Redbox last week. LOL

55) Last gift you received?
That Christmas gift nicely wrapped up in ribbons…

56) Last sport you played?
Muff diving…12 hours ago.

57) Things you spend a lot of money on?
Massages, DVDs

58) Where do you live?
The flooded state.

59) Where were you born?
PJ Old town.

60) Last wedding attended?
Definitely not mine.

61) Spit or swallow?
Pussy juice - swallow.
Pubic hair- Spit

62) Favorite position?

Wheelbarrow.

63) Most hated food(s)?
All those food sold along the North-South Highway. Tiu..every stall also sells the same thing. How these people can survive I wonder.

64) What’s your least favourite?
Least favorite position ah? It has to be Farmer Sutra positions…unless you are Aussie. LOL

65) Can you sing?
Little bit lah…but I've been having this “Sha La La La La…” thingy in my head of late. LOL

66) Last person you instant messaged?
A hottie

67) Last place you went on holiday?
With the wife or piaomeis?


68) Favourite regular drink?
Earl grey

69) Current Song?
Dim Sum Girl….press here to listen.

70) Tag 3 suckers :
Linpeh, Rojakz and 9393…but knowing them these lazy farkers won’t give 2 hoots about it.

So here you go, KW! Done your tag liao!

Last Saturday night at about 11.00pm, I was jolted from my otherwise, peaceful weekend evening by a call from a buddy in KL. He didn’t sound good. Choked with emotion he related that SH, another childhood friend of ours died. He took his life by consuming paraquat.

Fact is, he caught us all by surprise. There were never any suicidal tendencies or bad debts that we know of.

Why SH?
Why did you do it?
Who is going to look after your children, now that you are gone?
What the fuck were you thinking about??
Why did you choose the easy way out??

Geez…

One morning at the barn…I flew onto my favorite spot where HRH, another fence-sitter was perched, cupped her face in my hands and said the 3 little big words….”You are F-A-T !”

Truth is, I did not have to tell her…for she already knew.

Cocka: “Good morning. How’s my favorite silai today?”

HRH: in her hiao-hiao cluck: “Couldn’t be better, Cocka! Don’t you just love sitting out here on the fence and catching a whiff of fresh cow dung in the morning? Ahhh!! Life on the farm is so relaxing……”

Cocka: Oh yes! I just love perching on the fence…being neither here nor there, watching the world passes by…watching the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumping over the moon, and pssst!..*whisper* did you know the dishes eloped with the spoon last night?”

HRH: “Hah? Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Wah….so happening ah?. But don’t bother lah. We are just fence sitters mah.”

Cocka: “Ya lor…we are the blue helmeted UN peacekeepers….
Hey! I noticed although you are on the fence, you have more of your arse on this side wor? Why is that so?”

HRH: “Can’t help it lah, my arse is too big….sure to spill more to one side of the fence. LOL. By the way, have you seen Lucifer? I thought she was sitting here not too long ago?”

Cocka: “She lost her balance and fallen over liao.

HRH: “Did she slip?”

Cocka: “she said someone pushed her wor. She is now on the ground stucked in some puddle of shit.”

HRH: “Hahaha…it’s hard to keep your balance sometimes, especially on a thin and narrow fence like this.

Cocka: “Yeah, perhaps we should just tear it down and build a much sturdier one like this…..

HRH: “Hahahha!! I don’t know lah. Ok got to fly off now…see you later”

Cocka: “Oi! Pegi mana?”

HRH: “I’m off to coop no.13 to witness a long standing feud.

2 cocks are fighting one another over me. Hee hee….The fencing match should be interesting. Come watch?”

Cocka: “Naw, not my cup of tea. I rather go start another blog”

HRH: “Really?? What are you calling it?”

Cocka: “Ermmm…how bout No Hope Liao? Or perhaps Floating craps?? Muahahahaha!!!" *Evil Laughter*

HRH: “How about me starting one simply titled ‘To Kill a Mocking Bird?”

Cocka: “Hahahaha!!! Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock ...Ya do that …. Hey watch out!”

HRH: “W-What? Where?”

Cocka: “watch out for that crazy lord a-leaping over the fence! What's with the flower in his hand?”

HRH: "Check out those polka dots pants...true Fashionista"