Saturday, December 30, 2006

 

WISHING YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


2006 hasn’t been a bad year for me…. can’t really complain. One of the best things of course, was getting to know and met so many bloggers….weird ones, funny ones, and they come in all shapes and sizes.


I am definitely looking forward to welcome 2007 with open arms and legs!

To all my blogsphere friends and readers of Nothing To Crow About, I wish you a Happy ‘Kick Ass’ New Year!


Saturday, December 23, 2006

 

I'm Dreaming Of A Wet...Christmas....

Yes, it’s gonna be a terribly wet and soggy Christmas down south here in JB.

Thanks to the anchor chain steadfastly secured on all 4 corners of my shack, it was spared from being washed away in the torrential rain. As the water level rise rapidly to about 3 feet deep, I decided that it was time to evacuate to higher ground. Donning my bright orange lifejacket nicked from under the seat of our ailing national airline (I always knew it would come handy one day), I had my laptop puter in one hand and my potted cactus in the other.
Curling up in a fetal position and using the wall of my house as a launch pad, I kicked with all my might and propel myself like a torpedo ala Ian Thorpe out of the house to the safety of a waiting rescue yacht.

For I could not have lived without Wi-Fi internet, I had to be transferred to the nearest Starbucks as my relief center and has been surviving on Toffee Latte and Panini sandwiches since then. Thank you all for the SMS, YM messages and phone calls of concern. Please send monetary assistance also! LOL

I love you all so much that I’m dedicating this Dirty Sleigh Ride song to you!



I feel my pecker tingling, balls are jingling too,
Come on and tell me whether I can link them together with you.
I need a hot slit mommy to slip my salami into,
I must be over eager 'cos even you're beaver will do.

Get it up, get it up, get it up let's go, you're butt is too slow,
Start hopping like a rabbit in the snow.
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes my dear,
Hot jizz in your ear,
I know it's not easy for you hanging from that chandelier.

I need a new position for sperm ambition with you,
I wanna jam my putts in with both my nuts in your shoe.
I feel my pecker tingling, balls are jingling too,
Come on, it'll be so pleasant to pump my present in you


And if you have not gotten enough of Rudolph in your House, click here. You can go to Linpeh's blog to find out who sang which verse.



Well done all! Everyone sang very well! And a big Thank You to Linpeh for making this a success!


For fans of Eminen, I have something for you too. Click below for your Christmas rap. (this one ain't hokkien though)

Cheers and here’s wishing one and all, a very Merry Christmas!! Can’t wait to unwrap my presents.... Ho Ho Ho!!




P/S: To those who are technologically impaired on beta, I've disabled the anon comment, so keep 'em coming yeah! Sorry for not commenting as frequent as I should have. Been busy like a blue arse fly lately. Last Wednesday 20th Dec, Nothing To Crow About Turned 1. Didn't even have the time to blog about it.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

 

Will The Real Slim Santa Please Stand Up?

How you ever wonder why the jolly old elf always has difficulties fitting into clothes other than the silly looking red suit? Trouble coming down the chimney chutes?
Or wasting resources employing so many reindeers to pull his sleigh?

Ever wonder how he would look if he’s fit and trim, works out in a gym?




Would you prefer this?




Or This?













This pork chop??


















Or this hunk??













Enjoy the parody......


May I have your attention please,
May I have your attention please,
Will the real Slim Santa please stand up.
I repeat will the real Slim Santa please stand up.
We're gonna have a problem here.


You all act like you've never seen Santa before,
Toys all over your floor, who the hell ya think brought them?
It wasn't your drunk dad or your mother that whore,
It was me and now I'm skinny and I'll tell you the score.
Its the return of Christmas but not the jolly fat elf,
my ass got so big I couldn't wipe it myself.

My doctor said, "Santa you've never looked worse,
lose 200 pounds or your heart's gonna burst."
Everybody loved me big and fat ho-ho-ho,
Big ass Santa look at him walking around,

his belly like jelly, have some more eggnog.
They didn't give a *fuzz* if my arteries clogged,

So I said *fuzz* them and I joined a gym.
Started eating low-fat cookies and drinking milk that was skim.
I lost so much weight I can see my candy cane,
and Mrs. Clause is happy I can *fuzz* her again.
(Your name is on my list) x2,
and if your nice, not naughty I might give you a little gift.

But here's a message for you if your a big fat slob,
If your gut is in the way your girl won't bob on your knob.
You can't expect a hoe to gobble your goo,
if you just sit there eating twinkies,watching Scooby Doo.
If you ain't nothing but chubby,
no girl wants a fat hubby,

you'll endup working construction.
Your love life lies in ruins and destruction,
by the time your 30 you'll be asking Santa for liposuction.
But if your thin you'll get seduction,
underneath the mistletoe.
Sing the chorus and it goes!

I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the real Kringle.
All you fly girls like my balls cause they jiggle,
so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up.

Cause I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the Saint Nick.
All you other fat Santa's can suck my fat *fuzz*,
so won't the Real Slim Santa please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up.

Ho-Ho-Ho I guess theres a Slim Santa in all of us.
On Donner on Blitzen lets get the *fuzz* out of here!

WEESSSTTTSIDEEEEE (echoed)


X'Mas Songs dedication....

Seeing her pantyhose on display gives me erotic wild ideas. Fly would you like to join me “Walking round In Women underwear?”


Lyrics in my last year’s post here.

For Flyboy the nature lover here’s a song especially for you….


”Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire” Muahahahaa!!!!!
Poking the skewers thru their nose…..
Stay tuned for more....

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

 

I'm Feeling Christmasy....

.

Yep, the tree is all spruced up with ornaments that resemble Ah Boy and Lucas balls.

It’s the time of the year again where Yuletide spirit is higher than puffing on a bong and booze flows more freely than weak bladders.



My favorite Christmas character has always been Frosty. Being a snowman, he is versatile. He can take on any shape and size you want him to be. He is made up of snow crystals that are crystals formed around bits of dirt that had been carried up into the atmosphere by the wind. Soil particles dressed up in ice. Do you know there are four different shapes of snow crystals? The simplest is a long needle shaped like a spike. The other shapes all have six sides. One of them is a long, hollow column shaped like a six-sided prism. There are also thin, flat six-sided plates. And lastly, the intricate, six-pointed stars.

Yada ..yada…. tiu! As though you give a hoot about this entire hullabaloo.

What you actually came here for is this;


Frosty The Pervert

Frosty the pervert
in a trench coat he did go
to a the school yard to expose his dick
and balls made out of snow

Frosty the pervert
all the kids he liked to watch
his dick did grow when he packed snow
on his cold and icy crotch

There must have been some magic
when he stroked his frozen meat
cause frosty started moaning loud
and it began to sleet

Frosty the pervert was as glad as he could get
he threw away his corn cob pipe
and lit a cigarette

Frosty the pervert didn’t want to go to jail
he began to run while dripping cum
and the cops picked up his trail
down to the village
his dick melting in his hand
running here and there
all around the square
yelling "catch me if you can."

they chased him down the streets of town
right to a vice squad cop
who shoved a night stick up his ass
and Frosty screamed "dont stop OOOO!!"

Frosty the pervert
was locked up that very day
but he did not cry as he waved good bye
knowing he'd be back someday

beating his meat all over the streets
look at Frosty go
sliding his hands all over his glands
his cum, as white as snow









Monday, December 04, 2006

 

Pigging Out and Party Time!!

.

Tuesday 28th Nov.


Jakarta trip….Work a little and then makan at Bandar Djakarta seaside seafood restaurant at Ancol.





And more makan the following day….





And the following day…..





The Batak Strollers crooning love tunes. These guys are fabulous!




The lovely piaomei Mattie from our Jakarta office…..
…and Sudorno who brought us to




this place to witness the wild side….






Richie from our US plant mounting the Harleys on display...

Its Party Time!!!!!!



Pole dancers who go topless….the @#$% bouncers politely told me to put away my camera or they’ll politely mess me up and politely throw me out the bar.

Duh....for a moment I thought Titoki was on stage! Muahahahaha!!!!

Plenty of Whisky, Corona and Bintang throughout…
After a few drinks the girls look damn pretty summore…




9 Coronas
The girl looked good to me ah good to me
She looked like Pamela Lee after 9 CORONAS!!
I began to kiss her
undid her zipper
she looked like Claudia Schiffer after 9 CORONAS!!

When I met her at the bar she said she was on Baywatch
when she got into my car she looked alot like Sasquatch
Bow Wow Wow Wow WAHHHH



9 CORONAS!!
She kinda looked like Mr. Spock
"Live long and prosper"

But she was Courtney Cox after 9 CORONAS!!
We were hot with passion
We were mashing after
cause she looked like Jennifer Anniston after 9 CORONAS!!

Late into the night I rode her like a Harley
In the soft candle light she looked like Chris Farley
Bow Wow Wow Wow WAHHHHHHH



9 CORONAS!!
She was fat and sticky
And kinda Stinky
But she looked like Christy Brinkley after 9 CORONAS!!
She looked like Pee Wee Herman
"Thats my name don't wear it out
But she was Uma Thurman after 9 CORONAS!!

In our 23rd position
I think I got whiplash
She was really bitchin'
Except for moustache'
Bow Wow Wow Wow WAHHHHHH

She looked bigger than a winnebago
A winna Goat
She looked like Lisa Kudrow after 9 CORONAS!!


She was no Cindy Crawford
Cindy Crawford
Nothing rhymes with Cindy Crawford after 9 CORONAS!!
Open up another bottle and started drinking more beer
So I can wake up next to Heather Locklear
Yeah Yeah Yeah YAHHHHH
9 Coronas ….9 coronas….9 Coronas


1 Dec 2006
Nursing a nasty hangover and it’s time to go home….

Yeah, Aceone! These days I very happy hor! Muahahahah!!!!

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